The Confidence Myths Holding You Back at Work
One of the most common themes I hear from leadership clients is confidence. It’s a tricky, multi-faceted topic. Here’s what I hear again and again:
“I’m not feeling confident about how to deal with this conflict at work.”
“I’m not confident enough to speak up and share my contributions.”
“I don’t feel I can step out confidently until all the pieces are in place.”
“I don’t feel my team has confidence in me. So I don’t feel ready to lead.”
“I don’t feel a sense of confidence when leading my team.”
“Until I feel more confident about the quality of my work, I don’t think I can grow.”
Do you notice what all of these statements have in common? People want to feel confident first—and only then are they willing to act.
You might think confidence is about shifting your mindset.
You might believe it comes from knowing the correct path forward.
Or you might assume it stems from how others perceive you.
And yet, these are all myths.
Myth #1: Confidence Is a Feeling You Wait For
“When I finally feel ready, then I’ll act.”
Why it’s wrong: Feelings follow evidence. Your brain learns through experience: take a risk, survive it, and your neural circuitry records, I can handle this. If you wait for inspiration, you might be waiting a long time.
Replace it with: Confidence is earned through action. Start small—ask a question in a meeting, volunteer for a five-minute briefing. Each act becomes proof that you’re capable, and the feeling grows.
Myth #2: Confidence Requires Certainty
“I can’t move until every piece is in place.”
Why it’s wrong: Leadership rarely offers 100% clarity. Believing you must have a perfect plan before you act creates paralysis and missed opportunities.
Replace it with: Confidence is faith in your ability to figure things out as you go. Embrace “draft mode”—launch, learn, iterate. High performers don’t bet on being right; they bet on being adaptable.
Myth #3: Confidence Is Granted by Others
“If my boss praised me more, I’d believe in myself.”
Why it’s wrong: External validation is fickle—and addictive. Tying your self-trust to applause hands control of your career to the crowd.
Replace it with: Confidence is an inside job. Seek feedback to grow, but ground your worth in your demonstrated effort, learning, and values. Approval becomes a bonus—not the oxygen you breathe.
Myth #4: Confidence Equals Perfection (or Arrogance)
“I can’t show doubt—or I’ll look weak.”
Why it’s wrong: Perfectionism masks fear; arrogance masks insecurity. Both shut down learning and repel trust. People aren’t drawn to perfection—or inflated egos. They respond to authenticity and humility.
Replace it with: Confidence is humble courage. It sounds like, “I don’t know yet—but I’m willing to learn.” That honesty invites collaboration and accelerates mastery.
The Confidence Gap—Why It Hits Women Harder
Studies summarized in The Confidence Code reveal a clear pattern: men tend to overestimate their abilities; women often underestimate theirs. The result? Women typically wait to meet nearly 100% of the qualifications before applying for a role, while men apply at 60%.
Biology and decades of social conditioning—messages like “be nice,” “avoid risk,” and “don’t take up too much space”—fuel this gap. The antidote? Action. But for women, that may mean pushing past an added layer of “wait until perfect” conditioning. With practice, that conditioning can be rewired.
Micro-Actions That Grow Macro-Confidence
Confidence isn’t innate or granted with a title—it’s built, practiced, and earned through consistent action.
So how do you start on the confidence journey? You don’t need a skydiving moment. Start with daily “confidence reps”:
Ask a question in the meeting that no one else is asking.
Offer a fresh idea before it’s perfectly polished.
Introduce yourself to a senior leader in the hallway or on Zoom.
Own an accomplishment out loud: “I’m proud of how I…”
Say “I disagree” respectfully and propose an alternative.
Volunteer to present a five-minute update or lead a small project.
Which one of these feels most doable for you right now? And what’s one small action you can take today to build your confidence muscle?