Confidence is often described as the secret ingredient of leadership — the courage to take risks, the steadiness to make tough decisions, and the presence to influence others. Yet many highly capable professionals, especially women, hesitate to step forward. Not because they lack skill, but because they doubt themselves.

True confidence isn’t about perfection, knowing it all, or faking it until you make it. As The Confidence Code puts it, confidence is “the stuff that turns thoughts into action.” It’s grounded, steady, and built over time through repetition and reflection.

Research shows a persistent confidence gap: men often apply for roles when they meet 60% of the qualifications, while women hold back unless they meet 100%. The difference isn’t ability — it’s self-belief.

The truth is, confidence is not fixed. It’s a choice, built one imperfect step at a time. And with practice, it grows stronger.

Let’s face it—giving feedback is one of the hardest things we do at work. Whether it’s to a direct report, a peer, or even your boss, it can feel awkward and emotionally charged. In my coaching sessions—and after 30 years in management—I’ve seen that even seasoned leaders often struggle with it. Sometimes feedback sparks growth. Other times, it creates confusion or resentment.

One common myth is that there’s a single “right” way to give feedback. In reality, it depends on context. Today’s workforce spans multiple generations, and each person brings a different communication style. That means feedback needs to be thoughtful and tailored.

Some of the biggest mistakes include delaying feedback, being vague, or turning the conversation into a one-way lecture. Saying “You’re not meeting expectations” without specifics doesn’t help. And waiting too long to bring something up only makes it harder to address constructively. Feedback that is too general or delivered without clarity erodes trust and rarely leads to improvement.

The most effective feedback is specific, timely, and rooted in real behavior—not assumptions. Instead of saying, “This isn’t strategic,” try “I’m struggling to see the big picture in this plan.” It shifts the tone from judgment to insight. Make space for reflection, too. Ask questions like “What were you aiming for?” or “How did that feel to you?” Often, people course-correct when given the opportunity to reflect.

Tailoring your tone to the individual also makes a difference. Some people value direct feedback; others need more context or warmth. And always assume positive intent. Most people want to do well—they just need clarity, support, and space to grow.

Ultimately, feedback shouldn’t be about fixing people. It should be about helping them develop what’s already working. When it’s done right, it builds trust, strengthens performance, and helps people bring their best to the table. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress.

One of the most common themes I hear from leadership clients is a lack of confidence. Many believe they need to feel confident before they take action—whether that’s navigating conflict, speaking up, or leading a team. But here’s the truth: confidence doesn’t come before action. It grows because of it.

We often buy into myths like “confidence requires certainty” or “confidence is granted by others.” In reality, confidence is built through experience—by taking small, intentional risks, learning as you go, and grounding your worth in effort, not external praise.

For women especially, the confidence gap is widened by social conditioning and perfectionist tendencies. But the good news? Confidence is trainable. It starts with simple, consistent “reps”—like asking a bold question, voicing an idea early, or owning your wins out loud.

You don’t need to wait until you’re ready. Start small. Start now. That’s how confidence is earned.